30 ,Dec, 2018

If you are watching someone you love suffer in the throes of substance abuse, it’s likely you are having feelings of desperation, confusion, frustration and helplessness. It can be highly traumatic to watch someone you care about face consequences of their actions and witness their deterioration in behavior, performance and connection to life. Fortunately with your support there is a way to help them get out of their situation. 21Renew is here, not just to help the individuals with the problem, but also to offer support and advice for the people close to them and improve the chances for success.


In the majority of situations, individuals impacted by an affliction to substance abuse are driven, confused and too proud to admit there is a problem. Finding the right time and way to approach the conversation can be challenging, but there are some ways that can make the confrontation easier and more likely to get the outcome you need.


Creating the right situation


Chose to have the conversation in a safe environment and at a time they will be comfortable and not distracted. Try and find a time when they have not been using or drinking heavily so that they are able to take in what is being said and are less likely to react irrationally.


Be prepared to…

  • Expect difficulties. They may not be ready to admit there’s a problem and it may take some time to help them to see the reality of the situation they are in.
  • Remain positive and give them hope that you will support them to make things better.
  • Speak in the first person eg. “I feel… when you…”
  • Ask how you can help and have solutions ready to offer. Do your research and be prepared to move quickly if they are ready to accept the help.
  • Try to be understanding, even if you are struggling to understand
  • Be logical and specific with your examples of how their situation is causing them and others around them pain.
  • Decide if you have an ultimatum and be ready to stick by that. Eg. “If you are not willing to do something about it, you need to leave the house”


The challenge is that, despite best efforts and intentions, these conversations can fall on deaf ears. Or, promises are made that are quickly broken. This leads to further pain for everyone involved and more frustration.


It is often difficult for someone without substance abuse issues to understand why someone they love can not stop their behavior, even when things are falling apart around them. Why they will not change for you can be an incredibly painful realization to deal with especially as they continue to put you through a myriad of issues, create drama and put blame on others. Please believe that it is not because they do not want to do something about the issue and that they don’t care about you.


There is little rational thinking as they continue to descend into the insanity of the illness, endorse multiple excuses and have no good reason to continue what they are doing. In this state, an individual becomes quite cunning and until their insanity or poor choices are confronted their desire to change will remain obsolete.


We highly recommend calling on the assistance of professionals, as the safest and most effective move forward. 


Choosing a professional who will empathize, understand and work towards action is imperative.  In selecting an appropriate individual, trust is mandatory and the advantage of an objective third party is that the individual may feel more comfortable and not personally attacked. You should continue to convey that this is not their fault, however they are responsible for their actions, and you should not be shy in letting them know about the severity of their behavior. When and what method of action they choose to take can be determined in consultation with an experienced professional.


The professional you seek for support should consult with a professional that understands the malady of substance abuse. Conducting an intervention that brings up their actions can be confronting, overwhelming and embarrassing. It’s typical for them to react defensively, and managing the conversation without prior guidance, can make the situation worse. Guidance and potentially direct involvement, with a professional participating in the conversation, will gain the greatest outcome.


How 21Renew can help


At 21Renew we are in the business of showing our clients the pathway to an exciting new life. We provide the individual with the tools, guidance and support to achieve this. We work with them and their loved ones to ensure that everyone is heading towards the most positive outcome- freedom from the suffering. Our experience at 21Renew is that when we are involved from the initial conversations, acceptance and a willingness to change is instilled and the process is accelerated. We have had great results renewing the individual’s connection to life and desire to live differently.


Our team have all walked the walk and understand through experience the situation of the individual. The team is headed up by Graeme Alford, who has been in recovery for 36 years, and spent the past 30 years successfully persuading hundreds of people that there is a better way to live without drugs, alcohol, gambling and other addictions. He has gone on to coach them into leading fulfilling and productive lives.


Please get in touch for a no obligation, confidential conversation anytime 1800 300 813.